Sermon by Reverend Dr. John W. Mann | July 9, 2023

Matthew 11:1-19, 25-30

Today the message begins and ends with prayer –

“Tender and compassionate God, you are our steadfast companion in the joyous times of our lives. When we rejoice, you celebrate with us; when we are anxious and afraid, you offer us a relationship where we can find courage to face the unknown; when we weep with sadness, you are our comforter. Help us, O God, to believe that you receive us as we are, and help us to entrust ourselves, with all our many struggles and hopes, to your faithful and abiding care. Amen.”  

One of the pearls of wisdom I picked up along the journey of life is, “It’s not about me.” Sometimes it is about me, but for the most part it is not.

Someone in another car is on the edge of road rage. I say, “Go on ahead. Get to where you need to go. But I’ll not engage with a reaction that gives you the excuse you’re looking for. Someone may, down the road; but you never know how that will go.”

I go to the bank and there is a line for the tellers. The person ahead of me is standing just outside the sign that says, “Enter Here.” The line moves, but he does not. He is scrolling on his phone. The line moves to where he is next for the tellers, but he has not moved. I inquire, “Are you in the line?” Somehow that seems like an accusation. “Yes I’m in the line. If you’re in such a hurry, you go ahead of me!” Okay, if you’re sure.

These are folks who like many, go through life with the attitude of, “It’s all about me.” And when that’s the case, there are slights and insults and threats and reasons to be enraged at every step of the way. As the proverb says, “Better to meet a she-bear robbed of her cubs than a fool in his folly.”

Jesus knew that it is impossible to please everyone; and some people are impossible to please at any time. He asked a rhetorical question, “To what shall I compare this generation?” Another way of asking, “What is it with people?”

He said John the Baptist lived a simple life and people said he was possessed by a demon. Jesus enjoyed a good meal with good company and people said he was glutton and drunk. What is it with people? When life becomes a contest to win or lose, there will always be those situations where you just can’t win.

I’ve kept a running list of the ways I considered that question over the years. In family systems, work situations and social settings. In some cases of it’s not about me, I learn to let it go; to not be bothered. In some situations, I develop tolerance. In some instances, I have ended problematic relationships or quit the job.

Since most of my work has been in church settings, that tends to be where I study these issues and try to make sense of them. For example, churches like to be friendly places. If they aren’t friendly places, they like to think they are. In one church I served, I would stand inside the door of the building to greet people when they came for worship. So far, so good. Yet, at a Session meeting someone said, “Our kids don’t think you’re being friendly because you don’t smile when you shake their hands.”

How can I explain that when I smile it sometimes comes across as a painful grimace? My suggestion that maybe I should learn to do cartwheels to show people that I really mean it, didn’t come across as funny as I hoped. But soon enough, other intractable issues were raised by the same person, so that it seemed as if the goal posts were always being moved.

In one church people said, “We need to make sure that people are welcomed on a Sunday morning.” Fair enough; what steps might we take to leave no doubt about our friendliness. I suggested that we explore the meaning of community. What are the qualities of our community that might draw people in? That was too vague. People wanted something more concrete. Okay.  

Concrete actions; definitive steps; measured progress; I suggested that on a Sunday morning we have greeters at every entrance to the building. Whoever comes through the door gets a friendly, “Welcome to our church” greeting. What could go wrong?

The effort lasted but a few weeks. Some of the assigned greeters didn’t show up when they were supposed to. Once we got people on the doors, some people liked the welcome; some people were indifferent; and some people were hostile to the friendly welcome. That was unexpected. It was heard, “I’ve been going to this church for thirty years and I don’t appreciate being talked to as if I just walked through the door!” So even an attempt at being friendly became a no-win situation.

Occasionally I have been invited to mediate in situations of church conflict. In some cases, this has been negotiating the terms of ending a pastoral relationship. Close to thirty years ago I met with a pastor who was asked to resign. He hadn’t done anything wrong. The people were just not happy with his approach to ministry.

I asked him what his thoughts were on the subject. He said that when he stopped being co-dependent with the congregation, they became unhappy with him. Basically, he was asking them to take responsibility for themselves; in ways large and small. That upset the system they had grown used to over many years. He became the problem, the scapegoat so to speak, so he had to leave. He was okay with that, because he realized and was living out the truth, “It’s not about me.”

He shared with me that what brought him to this understanding. It was a book that he read entitled, “The Art of Pastoring,” by William C. Martin. He encouraged me to read it and he promised that it would change my ministry. I thought, “So I can get fired as well?” But I bought a copy; less than a hundred pages. I read it and re-read it many times over the years. I bought many copies and gave them to colleagues. And it changed the way I live and work.

Under the heading of “Attack” Martin writes, “Will the time ever come when you must defend yourself within your congregation? Will the slings and arrows of frightened people ever cause you to attack in return? Perhaps, but only out of greatest necessity, and with immense restraint. And never with rejoicing or satisfaction. For when the smoke clears, and the bodies are counted, it will be a time for mourning.”

I have often wished that martial arts were taught in seminary. They provide a physical discipline, which when coupled with Christian spiritual discipline, provides countless lessons in practical pastoral care. As a martial arts student, I was taught that a true artist strikes only under extreme necessity and always with the minimum force necessary to protect oneself. I was also taught that if I ever have to strike, I have lost.”

At some place along the journey of life, sooner or later we realize we just can’t do it all. We can’t be all things to all people; we can’t control what other people do or think; we can’t control the world around us; we can’t change the past; we can’t control the future. When we think otherwise and live accordingly, life gets to be a heavy burden. The more we try to carry on our shoulders, the heavier the burdens become. The challenge is in knowing the difference between what we need to carry and what we need to let go of.

Jesus said, “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

It’s as if he looks at everything we think we need to carry in this life, and he says of some things, “That’s going to weigh you down. Do you really need that? Here, let me help you. No, I’m not going to carry it for you. You need to let it go.”

Some of the burdens we carry seem like a good idea at the time. The wrongs that have been done to us; the difficult relationships; what people say and what people do. And if that’s not enough, there is plenty of input from media sources trying to convince us that we need to go through life in a constant state of rage, fear and hatred. There aren’t a lot of advertising dollars spent on love, hope and forgiveness.

That’s not to say that we let people walk over us as if nothing ever happened. And it’s not to say that we let people take undo advantage or that we tolerate abusive behavior. Because when someone says, “You need to get over it,” that’s more about them than it is us. We all have our own timeline for letting go. Sometimes we carry our burdens past their sell-by date. There is strength in knowing when to let go; part of the challenge is discovering how strong we really are.

As for the “how to” part of giving our burdens over to Jesus, that’s the real challenge. For me, it’s prayer. Prayer as a kind of mantra to be repeated when needed; prayer as a reminder of a greater power; prayer as a vision of hope. Said over and over, as much as needed.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference, living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; taking this world as it is and not as I would have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will; so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen.”